I really hope this is the week...

... that I exercise with intent. I start my new APRIL TRAINING SCHEDULE tomorrow, but thought I would get the week going with an hour of spin and upper body weights. I am off to do that shortly.

... that I manage my diet; as in PLAN my menus, eat what is on them and nothing else.

... that I start my SPRING CLEANING. My house is tired; it is desperate for a face lift, which will start with a thorough cleaning and airing out. If the rain holds off tomorrow, I'll actually be able to open the windows without kicking the heat on - JOY.

... that my family settles down. The only thing on the agenda this week (out of the ordinary) is a guard shift I'll pick up Sunday morning.

... that I can get my poor dog a hair cut. I'll have to finally start adding some photos to the site because Daisy is looking like the abominable snowman from Rudolph -- Crazy big white mess!

... that I stop screwing around and step on the scale for WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY. This is a message of intent. I WILL post my weight Wednesday morning.

Looks like I have a lot on my plate. I am not as crazy as I was last week, so I hope that I'll be able to FOCUS and get things done. Wish me luck!

Being Flexible

My husband punched his laptop last night and *surprise* it is broken, so all of the work he was scheduled to do this morning had to be done from the office and not from the comforts of home, where he could be with his kids while mommy went to work out with her sisters - her one, non-negotiable (or so I thought) block of time that is hers out of the crazy hectic week. RANT OVER.

He was back home by 7:30, but too late for me to be with my sisters. I wasn't up to doing anything, but I went out anyway and did 2 miles with the dog. Next, I had to go to the Town Hall to sign up for summer programs. Two hours of waiting and I didn't get the kids into the camp they wanted. We are WAITLISTED.

I know that I need to be FLEXIBLE - BUT ...

I really look forward to seeing my sisters. It is my time to share my week with people that really care to listen and offer advice. I can be myself. I am disappointed it didn't happen today. I have really had a difficult week emotionally and I could have used a little pat on the back.

I didn't sleep well last night and this CRAZY weekend just continues. Skating, School carnival, getting ready for Gram's overnight and skating competition tomorrow. Oh, and we have a social function tonight that will go until midnight. It's hard being a mom and a wife sometimes.

Swim workout

Training update: Swam 1200 today. Focused on my form, counted my strokes. I am down to 21 for a 25. I don't know where I read it, but it's supposed to be a measure of efficiency. My co-worker is also a swim coach and she's been giving me advice about getting proper hip rotation and reach. It appears to be working.

Weigh in: Did not. Should do it. I don't think I've eaten so much as to have gained all my weight back, but I am feeling bloated and apathetic. I continue to write down my food, remind myself of my challenge and with any luck I will done with this mood SOON. I don't like feeling like this!

I returned my size 14 wetsuit for a 12. I hope this one will fit the bill. I was going to do a triathlon May 11th, but it happens to be my YMCA that is supplying the lifeguards and I may end up being a volunteer instead. I am excited to do it though, because I'll get to try out my wetsuit with a practice/cold water swim - no pressure of an actual race. Open water is a squirrely thing for me. It really can creep me out!

Off to work out, Off to work

I have an hour before I have to be in the pool, so I'll hit the treadmill for 30 min. or so and try to make the 3 mile mark. My motivation this week has obviously been ZAPPED, but I am doing my best to keep on track. SIX pounds won't come off my body because I want it to, I am going to have to WORK (sweat and keep my mouth shut).

I have a stupid crazy weekend with the kids and family commitments, but I am NOT going to let it derail Saturday morning's run with my sisters. It's tough getting there so early, but I definately love the benefits once it's over. April 1st is the start of a RIGID training schedule that I have actually put on paper. I will actually track what I am doing using a PLAN to get to where I want to be come MAY and our first triathlon of the season. I need to lose the mood and gain some positivity.

Weigh in Wednesday

I could not get on the scale this morning. I ALWAYS weigh in promptly after a trip to the potty and before I eat or drink. Well - DH was running late, needed to hog up the bathroom... so I went ahead and started my day - coffee, oatmeal, no scale. Tomorrow, I will get on the scale and face the music.

I don't think I've lost any weight, and I do not want to see a gain. I want to have a few good days in a row of counting calories, exercising with vigor and getting some sleep. (Last night was NOT a good sleep). I know it makes no difference - my weight is what it is regardless of whether I see a number on the scale or not. Again, it's a game. SO HERE'S a NEW GAME - a challenge if you will.

My annual GIRL'S WEEKEND is a mere 3 weeks away. Could I dare to challenge myself to LOSING 6 pounds?! That would bring me (using last week's weigh) to a 12 year low of 185. I know it is possible - So - Will I muster up the MOJO?! We shall see...

TRAINING - TRIATHLON UPDATE!!

I got my wetsuit in the mail last night and surprisingly it not only fits - it's too big! The crotch hangs a little low so I am hoping to have my older and taller sister take it so I don't have to send it back. It also doesn't look hideous - another concern of mine. SO - once I work out the sizing thingy, I'll be able to give it a try in the pool. It's exciting!!

Frustration rears it's ugly head

So, if there was one thing I did not want to do this morning it was run. Excuses? I had a whole bucket full of them... Bottom line - I just wasn't into it and I really don't know why. I know I got myself all in a panic because I started thinking about my annual girl's weekend, April 18th. I am exactly the same weight as I was last year and feel exactly the same way about it. FAT and PISSED OFF!

Is that anger and frustration focused? Am I doing what I need to do? NO.

Again, I ask the question: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?! How can I have 3 weeks in a row with NO weight loss? It makes no sense. I don't like how I look or feel at my current weight, yet instead of being moved to change, REALLY CHANGE my eating habits, I continue to play the same stupid games with food and exercise. I do enough to tell myself that I am doing something. I run a little, I write down what I eat -BUT - I don't do it long enough or hard enough and I don't measure or plan or count calories. It's like finishing 60% of a test, because a D is a passing grade. Well, it just isn't good enough any more.

Fat people who become thin - What is it for them that made it all work THIS TIME? I have been fat for too long. I have been thinner. I know what it's like to shop for clothes that I like versus clothes that just fit. I know what I feel like when I am healthy. I remember. So why do I stay here in fat land? What is it that's keeping me here?

So I contemplated NOT running and decided that I needed to just walk to the end of the street. If I needed to come home after that I could. I walked/ran 3.1 miles.

My New Bike and other stuff

The new bike is HERE - I can't wait to ride it. I wish it weren't 25 degrees this morning.

I went to the Y. I spun 90 minutes. It's not like a bike ride. I want REAL SPRING weather.

Trying to eat better. Trying to get myself back on happy track; where I want to lose weight and where I am willing (and capable) of making the RIGHT choices. I have 3 days til weigh in. I've had a few weeks of no weight loss because I haven't been diligent. I need to think about what I will eat. I need to add up my calories and I need to write it all down. I need to stop the mindless eating, even if its just veggies or whatever. It's NOT helping me.

I ordered a wetsuit yesterday. It is sleeveless. I hope it fits - or maybe I hope its really tight so that by time I need to wear it, I'll weigh less and it will fit better.

Have I mentioned how much I hate being fat. It really sucks up your whole life's energy. I need my eating right / exercise plan to start clicking soon... or else what?

Happy Easter!

Normally one of my favorite holidays, but this year it comes too early. It's freezing. I haven't even thought about spring clothes, and there isn't a daffodil or crocus in site. How can it be Easter? My step-mother is buying us all brunch at one of my Dad's favorite restaurants. It will be a day full of memories. Hopefully after 16 months it won't be a tearful day. Of course it is a buffet- the dieter's nightmare; and it is full of "once a year" kind of foods... I've had a horrible two days of eating.

Friday night was FUN. I love my friends and their husbands. I wish we went out more than once or twice a year. I had a few glasses of wine. I ate off the appetizer platter - fried calamari, stuffed mushroom, brushcetta, a piece of bread with olive oil. The portions were obscene, but I was thoughtful about how much I put in my mouth. I wasn't full when we left. We rushed to make it to the show - and then we went back for dessert. Of course they were huge - I order tiramisu, my favorite and drank decaf. I ate half of it, though I could have easily polished it off.

Yesterday I was exhausted. I got up way too early after not getting to bed til 1 or so. I craved something salty so before we picked up the kids, we stopped for breakfast. I got a breakfast sandwich with potato homefries. I ate half - I thought about the fact that I felt satisfied and then I ate the rest. Boy - it obviously bothers me even this morning. How could I conciously think about actually being full and then eat more? It doesn't happen very often. I really hate that I had to finish it. I wish I had left it. Now that would have been empowering. Instead, I went home and had a WW meal for lunch (ok) and CHIPS with QuesO! How can my DH buy that crap when he says he wants to lose weight? Rather than dinner, I opted for slimfast and bed. Another bad day.

So here it is Easter. I have resolved myself to the fact that buffets are hard; that there is a lot of mindless eating that can go on, so I need a plan. One trip for food - things I don't get to eat but once a year, in moderation. One trip for fruit only. DONE. I have signed up for Monday a.m. SPIN. I can't wait to be back to NORMAL.

Sleepy again...

HMMPH! Awake most of the night and I have a fun, but late, evening planned tonight. The good thing is I think I figured out the culprit - it is my beloved coffee (caffine). I had a big cup yesterday afternoon and a 100 calorie piece of 70% cacao chocolate (also loaded with caffine). I fell asleep fine and then when my DH came to bed at midnight he woke me up and the rest is history.

We have tickets with friends to see Avenue Q in the city. Dinner before - fun. My first real grown up night in dare I say months?! And now I will be tired?! I have to work in a few minutes - just waiting for my sweats to dry. The kids are going to a birthday party and then they're off to my brothers. Maybe, just maybe, I'll have time for a nap before I have to meet the crew. I think I'm just dreaming...

I feel like a new woman!

There is nothing like a new haircut! If done properly, it can make you feel all sorts of good about yourself - lighter, younger, pretty. All of those things I feel today.

I got up after my first full night's sleep in a week, got the kids off to school and went to the Y. I ran 3 straight miles on the treadmill and headed up to teach my kiddies how not to drown. I knew I would have exactly 15 min. to shower, change and get to the hair salon, when a miracle happened - my daycare class cancelled and I had a whole half hour to not have to rush. It's nice when things go my way.

Tomorrow could be chaos. I've got a lot of logistical issues - birthday party, work, no school, bring kids to brother's house and get back home (70 miles round trip) get ready and go out with friends. Oh, and I've got a swim planned as well. Hopefully my mood will keep. It's kind of nice to feel pretty once in a while.

Weigh in Wednesday -- Stuck at 193

STUCK STUCK STUCK and Frustrated - yes... It is the curse of the 190s. I have been stuck here for 10 + years and that is NOT an exageration. I WILL NOT GIVE UP. I am going to measure and weigh and get in all my exercise (regardless of whether I get in all of my sleep).

Operation SLEEP. Everything went according to plan yesterday, except for the fact that my youngest woke me up at 2 a.m. trying to sneak into my bed. I was up for the rest of the night. At least I got 5 hours. I will try again tonight, but without the Bennedryl. That stuff (and any other drowsy cold formulas) make me loopy the next day. AND loopy is how I feel. I REALLY hope this "phase" will end soon. I AM EXHAUSTED.

SO, Tomorrow is my new haircut. Anyone reading must be completely perplexed as to why I am so excited. The deal is that I tried to cut my budget 3 years ago and in doing so,I decided to stop going to my favorite salon, that charged $100+ for a cut and color and opt for a cheaper cut and at-home "Nice and Easy". From the pool, overdue color and a complete lack of style, my hair is an absolute nightmare. I have resorted to the MOM-TAIL or messy clip look. Now, I am done. It was my ME REWARD to go back to my old salon, but alas I am not 189 and my hair can wait no more, so I am (after today's less than stellar numbers) having nothing but delicious SLIMFAST shakes for the rest of the week(except Friday night cuz I am going out with friends). Maybe my "mini-fast" will nudge me down into 180's. Please.

Dear Mr. Sandman

SLEEP is SO important. In fact, I didn't realize how important until I got up this morning after 5 days of insomnia. The first few days I was tired, but functional. Yesterday, I was mad about it, but determined to NOT let it affect me. This morning - I am SPENT. Run? Are you kidding? It was all I had to get my kids out the door without killing them and now I have to get myself human so I can volunteer at my kid's school. My eyes are puffy, my head is big and I just want to be HORIZONTAL. Perimenopause says my mom! Thanks mom, but I don't want to hear about it. I am only 41?!

SO - The dog will get a walk today. I will pick up the kids for our collective dental cleanings. We will go to skating at 4. There will be EASY MAC for dinner. I will then take a Bennadryl, put the kids to bed and read until I pass out; and I better not wake up until it is light again. I've got things to do.

Day 5 - a - Row for Exercise

I just checked my training journal and I've exercised for 5 days in a row. It's been a while since I have done that. Tomorrow, a 5k run is planned so that will put me at 6. Could I do something on skate day to make it 7? We'll see. I feel good; sore, but good. I lifted this morning before Spin and my shoulder/upper arm is still as achey as it was last week. Everyone in my family has had shoulder issues-I am hoping that this isn't something that will get worse. I'll be swimming Thursday and Friday - we'll see how it goes.

AND, I have a hair appointment. Thursday after swimming is the big day! Weigh in Wednesday better be good to me. I need to see 189 or else I have to own up to my word and eat (drink)NOTHING BUT SLIMFAST FRIDAY ! I will do it if I have to, but I would rather just be thinner.

An Awesome SUNDAY RUN!

I can not tell you the last time I had a run like I did today. I FELT AWESOME! I walked the first half mile, but then started running and never stopped until I hit my driveway. 1:10 and 5.36 miles!! I know that I have run farther - crap, I've done a marathon - but It's been a long time since I ran continuously - no walk breaks - and feeling like I could go forever! I guess that's a runners high, right? AND to think I almost blew it off!

Spin tomorrow. Back to my usual weekly routine. Come weigh in Wednesday, I'll have good news. This I am certain

New BIKE !

I got up (after another rotten sleeping - or not sleeping night) and went to run with the sisters. It was freakishly SNOWING and was slippery, but we went out anyway for 3.46 miles of mostly powerwalking. Noone needed to twist an ankle.

Immediately after, my older sister and I went to the bike shop and got fitted for NEW bicycles. I opted for a TREK Pilot 2.1 wsd. It's a good middle-of-the-road bike (I just could not afford Carbon) and its strength is a more comfortable ride; which if I am going to finish a Century this summer, I will want. It took about an hour to get it on the trainer and make all the adjustments. I felt like all of my questions were answered and I didn't feel at all rushed. I would rate the customer service a 10. The bike definately feels different from my old bike, and I can't wait to get it outside for a test. We're going to pick them up next Saturday (I am waiting for new pedals from Nashbar). AND, because we bought both bikes today, we got a 10% discount making them cheaper than any shop in the area. Boy, do I love a bargain.

SO that is my news. I celebrated with Chinese buffet for lunch - STUPID when you are hungry, and trying to lose weight, but I didn't eat a lot of any thing and I definately left NOT FULL. Plus, I wrote it all down. I still feel guilty about the bites of things I took - crab rangoon, pork, general gaos chicken... Live and learn. Like I said, I wrote it down and will have soup or cereal for dinner. This has to be a GOOD week.

Weigh in Day + 2

I am up 2 lbs - 193.0. I had a crazy week - wake, funeral, family, food, a BIG birthday and a 4 day break from REAL exercise. Do I need to wonder why the scale says what it does? I have been on track these last two days. I have a NORMAL week ahead, so I should make that 2 lbs gone and with any luck a few more. I am hopeful and committed to seeing something other than the 190's. I KNOW it's purely psychological --- my inability to get into the 180's. I am going to work hard this week - REALLY hard.

I swam today for 30 minutes. I have the HARDEST time counting laps so I can't tell you how far, but I felt like I put in a good effort. I taught lessons from 930 - 12 and headed home. Tuna salad for lunch and I am off to get my youngest from preschool. Tomorrow is bike buying day and sibling running day. I am in desperate need of a GOOD workout, even though in the back of my mind I know I will be loathe to take that first step. I also WANT MY BIKE.... I can't imagine a warm spring day with NOTHING TO RIDE. I know it hasn't happened yet, but it's only a matter of time.

Back at it...

I did NOT sleep last night. AGAIN. Two hours of stewing between 3 and 5. I almost got up, but passed out til my sister called just before 7, apparently to find out why I was still in bed on a school day... My morning was HELLISH. The kids were grumpy, I was grumpy. BUT, I managed to get them on the bus and get to the gym. I intended to run, but ended up doing 3 slow miles on the elliptical (35 min). I followed it up with an upper body weight session - chest/back/shoulders. I then headed to the pool to teach my 2 classes - showered and headed to the bike shop.

I was impressed that the guy didn't want to just sell me any bike. We talked about what was new from Trek this year. We talked about what I was doing, in terms of races, rides and then he made some suggestions. One of which was that I come back Saturday afternoon. He'll probably have to order the bike and it won't be ride-ready for 7 days after that..... I will actually have to wait!!? The Veruca in me wants it NOW!

So, we'll see what happens. It's only 2 days. I hope my sister can come with me and we can get this DONE. The weather could actually be taking a turn for the better, and I want to get out riding as soon as possible. Tomorrow I will be weighing in... I have not stepped on the scale, but I was on program yesterday and so far so good today! WE'll SEE.

Oh yeah, Weigh in Day

But I didn't weigh in this morning. I am giving myself 2 days of clean living - no events, no weird food to tempt me. Not that I did anything bad last night at the party. In fact, I would say that aside from the 2 margaritas, I was STELLAR!

I decided to set one party rule: NO CHIPS! It worked. Since I had no chips, I had no guac, no sour cream, no queso. I had a salad with black beans, chicken, assorted veggies a sprinkle of cheese and 1tbsp of their homemade spicey ranch dressing. My only REAL calorie splurge was a WICKED WHOOPIE PIE which my sister had ordered in lieu of cake. For non-New England people, think homemade, chemical-free, RING DING. It is SO worth the calories.

Today is my rotten skate rink day, and it is raining. That, in addition to my awful sleeping habits these last few days, will mean that I am NOT going to do much exercise. I am just being REAL. A REAL SLUG. I SO want to be able to get up in the morning and run before DH leaves for work. That means out the door by 5:15. It is certainly possible, but not at all probable if I can't sleep through the night with out a 2 hour awake break between 12 and 3 am. I am working on it. You can bet that I will be in bed with the kids by 8 this evening.

My TO DO list grows - I just need some free time to get it all done... A 2 hour block to get a hair cut, a little time to browse at the bike shop. A real training schedule, and some real training. TOMORROW I am back on track with that. The hair will have to wait for next week, and I THINK - HOPE - PRAY that I will have a new bike by Sunday! AMBITIOUS....

One more event...

One more event until we're normal again - my brother-in-law's 50th. He didn't want a party, but my sister wouldn't hear of it so she reserved a favorite fresh mex place for a kind of McDonalds style birthday party. It's early, so we'll bring the kids and that means we'll also have a convenient escape. I have slept horribly these last two nights. I go to bed fine, but I am awake at 1 - 3 o'clock for at least an hour. Thank God for the BBC - the news takes my mind off the fact that I am going to feel like crap if I don't fall back to sleep. Waking in the morning has been miserable.

Will I exercise? Questionable. I have parent-teacher conferences for my 5 year old's pre-school. I am switching off with my neighbor to watch the kids so that neither of us has to bring them. I have errands to run for my sister (party favors) and I have to bring my eldest to skate from 4-5 before the party. I know that's a lot of excuses. I know I am feeling pretty apathetic these last few days... I'll get it back...

On the food front - good, but not stellar. Tonight I should be fine as long as I stick to my plan, leave the chips alone. Someone suggested furniture polish on the fingers. It doesn't wash off easily and the taste is horrible (that means no chips). I think I'll just try a little self control. Salad, black beans, chicken, salsa = good. Chips, queso, guac, tortillas filled with more cheese, sour cream and greasy meats = CALORIES

I knew this day would NOT start well.

My eldest daughter is 8. She is NOT a morning person. I knew that she would not get up this morning, after declaring last night that there was no way she was going to bed when her mind told her it was only 7 p.m.... She was still awake at 10:00 (but it's only 9:00 in my head). It began with TEARS. Her special LOVEY was lost and it's all because Dad woke her up BAD... (An aside to husbands - DO NOT GET YOUR KIDS IN AN EMOTIONAL MESS AND THEN PROMPTLY LEAVE FOR WORK! This upsets your wife.) I try not to let her MOODs get to me, but I am only human and they do. I have to stop and pratice my breathing, like I did before I gave birth. Eventually we are all calm. We talk about frustration. We still have not found the LOVEY, and in the back of my mind I am crazy: What if we don't find it before bed? Any other mother whose kids have blankies, lovies, dollies or teddys know what I am talking about, and it is NOT PRETTY.

On to the weight loss front. I am really back on track. I had a decent - though not perfect day yesterday. I did a 3 mile run/walk with the dog; walking not because I was tired, but because my dog is a crazy sniffer and there was still a lot of ice to contend with on the sidewalks. It was also blustery and cold, so I was just happy I got my butt outside.

This morning I am going to attempt to put my house back together, find a lost lovey and a Nintendo DS. I also have to babysit my 2 year old neighbor, Jake. I don't have boys and I really don't like other people's kids, but some days you just need to suck it up. Piano lessons and Brownies are on the schedule for this afternoon. I don't think I am going to make it to the gym, but maybe, just maybe I'll get a run in.

Committed.

My grandmother's wake was Friday night, the funeral was yesterday. It was a lot of family time and a LOT of food. EVERYWHERE food and wine and I kept talking to myself, choose wisely, that has too much mayo, those chips aren't worthy of your calories, and then I had some wine and started leaving the pavement... Luckily I had enough sense to stop the car. I went home --- My calorie limit is 1800. My total for Friday 2300 and yesterday was 2350. I saw people I don't normally get to visit with - cousins, second cousins, aunts and uncles from far away. We shared a lot of fun Gram stories and truly celebrated the life of a great lady.

My diet and exercise will get back on track. In fact, I re-committed myself last night with green tea, and my book (vs TV and snacks). This morning I mapped out some running routes on MAPMYWALK and will choose one of them to do today. That is my goal. The upcoming week is going to be a tough one. I have to watch my neighbors 2 yr old tomorrow morning, so SPIN class is out. My little one has a day off from pre-school so no long run Tuesday (unless I can arrange with my neighbor). Tuesday night is a surprise party for my brother in law, so MORE FOOD to battle. Skating day Wednesday and Thursday and Friday are my work days, but I WILL get in good workouts before I start. At least my Saturday workout with my sisters should be back on track this week (barring any more snow storms or tragic events).

I want this time to be the time it all clicks. I want to really move into the 180s this week, which will be tough to do given my weekend. BUT regardless of what the scale says, I am NOT giving up. I am just going to try a little harder. I am SO SICK OF BEING FAT!

Working hard

Keeping on track and working hard. Even when I dragged myself to the gym with just 25 min. before I had to start work, I hopped on the eliptical and did 3.1 miles in 25 min. THAT's a new record. Who says you can't get your HR up on that thing!!

Today, I have a swim workout before I start teaching and then after the 2.5 hours in the pool I have errands to do for my mom and all the company that will be here tonight and through the weekend. Caterers, a Wal-Mart run, then get the kids at school and head to the wake. It will not be a weekend about me that is for sure.

I love my kids...

...but they make me CRAZY in the morning - sneaking to turn on the TV, taking F O R E V E R to brush teeth, put on clothes, do homework, FIND THE HAIRBRUSH! This is what drives mothers to the brink and I can't imagine if we all had to get out of the house at the same time.

GONE. Yesterday my grandmother died. She was 87, and for the last 6 weeks she had no clue who any of us were - except for my brother, he was such a nice boy. I feel sad for my mom, because no one ever wants mom to die, no matter how old she is. I hated to see her just wasting away. She would have hated it, if she knew what was happening. The funeral will be Saturday morning so all bets are off for the big Chipmunk 5K. I guess it was just not meant to be. So I did the next best thing and reserved a spin bike for Saturday's 7:15 am class. I can work out, shower (in peace) and be home to get the kids and pokey DH ready for church.

Maybe in the afternoon when the relatives have gone I will sneak out and look at BIKES. The weather is not looking good for the next week - we're back to cold, but the calendar says Spring is coming and that is what I choose to believe in. OH, and my tight sports bra that I never wore because I couldn't breath, now fits. It's the first sign I've had that the weight loss is starting to show. I can't wait until my jeans are too big!

Weigh in WEDNESDAY!

So Fretted for nothing... This morning I stepped on the scale (albeit completely naked) and it read 191.5 lbs. HOW COOL IS THAT? I knew I was just about perfect yesterday on the diet front and the 4 mile run was an awesome workout... I didn't think I could erase a less than stellar food-long-weekend, but I guess it did. NO, I have not made it to my goal, BUT I am just 2 pounds away.... I am making my hair appointment for as soon as possible, with the guidelines I stipulated yesterday... It's all about the deals I make with my self...

TODAY is the day I live at the skating rink. First the little one has her lesson, followed by off-ice training for my eldest, followed by ice practice and a lesson (a total of 3.5 hours). I tend to alternate between freezing my butt off on the metal bleachers to standing and walking around to try and unfreeze my butt. There is not a lot of activity Wednesdays, but there's not a lot I can do about it.

I will eat well this week. I will stay within my calories and know that if all goes according to plan I will make my 189 goal by the time weigh in rolls around next week. That is a PROMISE.

*** Bike update - Girl that cancelled in the am called her dad, who lent her the money AND came and got the bike... I guess there was some mix up with her bank account... Regardless, I have the cash, she has the bike and I am going shopping this weekend!!

Oh what a beautiful morning!

My first run of the year with a short sleeve shirt, wind jacket and an ipod. Aside from dodging lakes of sludge on the sidewalks, I had a GREAT 4 mile run this morning - hills and everything. So my exercise is good.... At least I have one positive... My diet is another story entirely.

I fear that things are not looking good for tomorrow's weigh in and I'm pissed at myself for eating more than I needed to this weekend and yesterday when I was home with the sick kid. I haven't even snuck a peek at the scale b/c I'm afraid to see a gain after I did so great last week. AND I really NEED my REWARD - My hair is just making me feel even yuckier than I do... I may just have to bite the bullet and schedule the appointment. Not that I will abandone my challenge entirely. I might just consider a modification like if I don't weigh 189 by the day of my appointment, I will do SLIMFAST for the following whole next day with my nice new hair. Trust me - that is motivation.

Oh, and the girl who was supposed to buy my bike called to cancel - THANKS - so I fretted about driving into the city for NOTHING, and I still have my now shiny clean old bike. HMMPH. There should be a slug-meter on Craigs list. I am going to see if any other responders are still interested and hope they have cash and a car to come get it! I want my new bike!!

Is it me or is it THEM?

My 5 year old is SICK again. This makes about the 5th time this winter. I am going to have to improvise a workout. I am so thankful that I was able to work as hard as I did yesterday. So much for momentum. It also looks like tomorrow's workout will be derailed as well. I sold my bike for more than I asked, BUT the catch is I have to deliver it to Boston, and so goes my "morning off".

The good news is that I get to buy a bike this weekend-or at least go shopping with intent. I have 3 bike shops in the area and I plan to visit each one to see where I will get the best customer service and the best deal on a bike. I've had bad service at 2 of the shops in the past both related to my weight and assumptions made by staff that I wasn't worth their time to work with and fit properly. I hate that it happens, but I have come to almost expect it. Sometimes I wonder if it is me - condeming these people before I even give them a chance. I've been wanting to go into the bike shop and look around, ask questions but I am really afraid and uncomfortable. I don't like what has happened in the past and I don't want it to happen again. That's why I've dragged my feet about selling my old bike - even though I REALLY want a new one. That is why I wanted to lose weight first - so that it is no longer an issue.

When I did my first triathlon in 2003, I went to buy a bike. I weighed about 205-ish. When I went in to look at bikes I was told that I could use ANY bike for a triathlon. And, since I may not do more than one I should look at the comfort bikes, which I would be more inclined to ride after the race. I was talked into buying a Specialized hybrid off the floor. It was 54cm, which in hindsight is WAY TOO BIG. Why didn't they have me at least try a road bike?

The next bike I bought was in 2004 with my sister. We were immediately steered to the TREK 1000 - a good first road bike. The sales kid had us straddle the bike to determine that we were both 52's and that was about it. It was only after we bought the bikes were we told - by a friend of my sister's about the other parts of the bike that should be fit (such as the stem - angle/size). Thanks.

So now after riding my Trek for 3 years, test riding new Treks at the Danskin Expo, and doing my own research on line, I think I should be able to ask intelligent questions and DEMAND good service. I don't want to walk out with a bike that I don't LOVE. It should be a fun day, not a day to dread...

Pooped.

My sister and I had a great workout this morning. First 3 miles of intervals on the tread mill - pyramids and hill sprints. We moved on to weights - chest and back and then headed for the pool to finish it up. Officially our first BRICK of the season.

My sister was pregnant last year so didn't do much training and to be honest she hates to swim, so her workout was tough. Mine felt great - I managed to get 1200 in (200 warm up, 200 pull, 200 kick, 200 pull, and 400 more to finish it up).

I got my new Timex Heart Rate Monitor yesterday so I was able to finally see where my heart rates are at different points in my workout. New toys are fun.

This afternoon we went to family skate at the rink and played with the kids. I have just cleaned up the supper dishes and can officially call myself DONE for the day. I am POOPED. Tomorrow should be SPIN day. My little one is complaining of a sore throat, yada yada yada, so we'll see if I am actually able to make it. BUT Wednesday is weigh in day and I have a date with the hairdresser. Perhaps I'll be a bad mom and just take her sick. You've got to love a little Tylenol!

Let the Melting Begin

I got up, made breakfast, cleaned up and went out to shovel. It was awesome snow for a snowman so we all put one together before my youngest had to head out to a birthday party. The dog got to run around stupid. It was fun to play for a bit. AND I was sweating. I think the temps are in the upper 30s and the melting is definately underway. SPRING is coming. It is March afterall.

The Chipmunk 5k was postponed to next Saturday, and my weekly sibling workout is tomorrow so I feel like today is a day off. It's nice. I am getting to catch up on my laundry and my TV shows. I've been skipping primetime TV in favor of bed and reading so I've got quite a line up stored on the DVR. LOST is really the only show I care about and I like this season - the best one so far!

Tonight my hubby is making Pizzas or calzones with the kids. I put in my order for a small calzone with mushrooms and spinach. Load up the FREE stuff because I am doing all that I can to try and break into the 180s by weigh in Wednesday. IT HAS REALLY BEEN 10 years since I've seen that number on the scale. The last time for sure was in 1997. I was going to WW and the last weigh in (for that time) was 182.5. I stopped going and quit smoking. By the time I got a grip and stepped back on the scale I was up -an all-time high of 196.... It's been a fight ever since. I don't know what the mental deal is with the 190s, but this time I AM OUT OF THEM FOR GOOD. I am so committed and I am working hard this time. I feel good.... This has to be the time it CLICKS.

The 2008 DANSKIN Triathlon is open for registration and I've secured my spot once again. Wouldn't it be GREAT to get a new PR. My current record is 1:41:09. My goal is to get into the 1:30:00s. Weighing less will definately help, don't you think?!